Below is an excerpt from the book Downsize Sooner than Later – 18 Rules for Retirement Success available on Amazon.com.
A “dragon” is any issue that the longer you ignore it, the bigger it grows. Ignored long enough, a dragon can grow so big and so strong, it becomes capable of eating you alive. In tandem with a dragon’s growth in size and strength, the weaker your ability becomes to fight it. At last, in the dark of night, when you are least prepared, it calls you out.
By then, it is too late…
We have discussed many issues in the prior rules that qualify as dragons.
A few include:
- Ignoring the fact that you will always have bills to pay (Rule 1).
- Ignoring your spending habits (Rules 2, 3 and 4).
- Ignoring simplifying and putting order to your life (Rules 2, 3, 12).
- Ignoring that you may live longer than you think (Rules 1, 6, 7, 10).
- Ignoring separating your income from your wealth (Rule 5).
- Ignoring a plan for sustainable lifetime income (Rule 6).
- Ignoring a plan for wealth to grow undisturbed (Rule 7).
- Ignoring a plan for extended care (Rule 9).
- Ignoring securing a will and other important legal planning documents (Rules 8, 12).
- Ignoring putting your passwords in a place where loved ones can find them (Rules 8, 12).
- Ignoring expressing your final wishes (Rule 8).
- Ignoring your diet (Rule 13).
- Ignoring to move your whole body (Rule 14).
- Ignoring your long-term mental input (Rule 15).
- Ignoring intentionally pursuing meaning in your life (Rules 11, 16).
It’s no secret that some of the above items are tough to deal with, and there is always an excuse to put things off. Fighting dragons is never easy. I have lived long enough that some of the things I have put off are now beyond my reach. There is no second chance for a do-over or to catch-up.
Ironically, when things are going well, it is one of the easiest times to ignore the dragons.
There’s just no sense of urgency. At other times, the urgency is overwhelming.
When John died, I was in the middle of writing what you see here and entering the busiest time of the year for my principal business. Life did not stop its march forward just because John was suddenly gone. Business demands continued. Bills were still due. Responsibilities were still expected to be met. Adding salt to the wound, in the few months after his passing, the sky seemed to open and rain swarms of dragons all over us.
Throughout this period, aside from support from family and friends, my salvation was my routine.
Earlier in the year, before John’s death, after months of introspection about what were the most important things to be doing with my life, I rebuilt my routine. Like what we discussed in Rule 16 on meaning, I decided my family, my health (diet and exercise), and my personal businesses were my most important things. For each, I broke out daily activities I could do to move these areas forward in a positive way. Rather than a “to do” list, this was more like a “to become” list.
Once I decided on the key activities on which to focus, I weaponized them into a scheduled daily routine.
It may seem a digression, but it’s important to note, whenever I felt tempted to feel angry or bitter or to curse life for what so unfairly happened to John, I deliberately decided not to pursue such nihilistic thoughts. This was in part in homage to him. I know with complete certainty he would never have wanted me to use his death as justification for sinking into despair and not living my own life fully. John did not suffer fools easily and to say that he would have had no patience for me taking a victim-based mindset is an understatement.
Some days, when things are tough, and I am tempted to overthink or worry about the past or the future, I say to myself, “Just focus on today. What’s on deck for today?” With my routine available, it has made narrowing my focus and answering this question easier. Consequently, and even during this past year’s difficulty, forward progress continued.
I offer to you as proof, the completion of this blog (now a physical book on Amazon.com).
Click to preview the book on Amazon.com
During the worst of the siege, my routine looked something like this,
• Up at 5 a.m. – grab gym clothes (laid out the night before), make coffee, let out dogs, put on headphones, select/play instructive audiobook or podcast, drive to the gym, workout, come home, wash hands, clean up the kitchen, set breakfast table, cut up fruit bowls for Ted and Jan, make Jan’s lunch.
- Do breakfast dishes, make to-go-coffee for Jan, kiss goodbye, say, “Be safe!”
• Journal (15 minutes). - Write (2–3 hours).
- Business calls (2–3 hours).
- Lunch (15 minutes).
- Follow-ups (1–2 hours).
- Slay dragons (1–2 hours).
- Jan home – dinner, relaxing evening together (gym, biking, walking, screen-time, reading, painting, errands, movie nights, etc.).
- Lay out gym clothes.
- In bed by 10 p.m.
- Repeat daily until the weekend.
Note on the list above, the line titled “Slay dragons.” For this daily activity, I created a list of the most uncomfortable, difficult, pain-in-the-neck, must-do but don’t-want-to-do things I had on my plate.
A few examples were: following up with the coroner about the cause of death, getting John’s phone back from the police, working on his estate details, court docs, bonding, paying off his car loan, retitling his car, squaring away his investment and retirement accounts, collecting his personal items – books, journals, computers, clothes, and other belongings – notifying John’s clients that he died, collecting his W2s, 1099s, preparing his income taxes, etc., etc., etc.
Nearly every one of the above items completely sucked to work on.
Many were like being stripped, tied to a post, and whipped. But I had to do them. I also had to keep my regular life going and not drop my critical activities.
As I write this, John has been gone eight months to the day. I share this in order to say that at least one key to getting hard things done – and especially in the hardest times – is to have a routine. And to add space in that routine specifically for the hard stuff. It still sucks, but at least it comes in manageable doses. On an individual day, when you slay a small dragon, or on other days when all you can manage is a few slashes at one or two, there is a sense of satisfaction that you are moving forward, even if the progress seems small.
I suppose it is remarkable that throughout this ordeal, we still managed to keep so many important things going – not the least of which has been still eating healthy and making it to the gym. Has there been grief? Tons of grief. Tears? Rivers of tears. I know John would understand that we need time to grieve, and we have spent time doing so. At the same time, I think he would be proud that we kept so many things together that he knew to be so important.
I can imagine John asking, “Do you still have your six-pack, Dad?”
Hell, yes, I do.
When the book is published, one of my next projects will be to publish his manuscript. That will mean reading through it and making sure it is ready. Doing so will be hard, as I have read some of it recently. It is as if he’s standing right next to me, looking over my shoulder. But I will battle through and make it happen. My routine will be a major help in making it so.
I invite you to make your own dragon list of “to do’s” and “to becomes”.
From there, focus on building a routine. Each day do something that moves the ball forward on the things that matter most in your life. If you make such a system to do so and put your affairs in order, I can promise you two major things:
- You will slay your dragons, winning peace of mind for yourself and benefiting those who depend on you.
- Your personal willpower will grow. This happens because such a constructive routine builds both momentum and mental muscle.
Once you get a serious taste of habitual dragon slaying, there is no going back.
Questions or comments?
I can be reached at this link – contact Ted Stevenot.