(The following is an excerpt from the book, Hacking Normal by John Stevenot available on Amazon.com)
When I started rethinking the way I worked, I wanted to know why society adheres to certain social norms in our current working environments.
For instance, I wanted to know why everyone agrees to go into the office at 8 A.M. and to leave at 5 P.M. What was the logic behind those hours? Do people really work best during that time of day?
I also wanted to know why everyone sits in one place for most of the day, staring at a screen. Does being static make a person concentrate better?
I wanted to know why people would stare out the window on beautiful days, instead of experiencing those days for themselves. Is it more fulfilling to dream about life than go out and live it?
It doesn’t make any sense.
Lastly, why do we even need to go into an office? Does it really matter where we get our work done, as long as we get it done?
An Erudite Answer
We are a species that thrives on social comparison. From whom we date to where we work, we are constantly comparing to make sure that we are achieving something equal to or superior to our closest peers.
Since we so heavily compare ourselves to each other, when we do something out of place, we feel awkward, weird, and out of touch. In fact, others put labels on us such as: not a team player, socially awkward, strange, and many more.
Perceiving someone or something to be out of place makes us feel like it doesn’t belong. That’s why we shun the weirdo in the cubicle down the hall or, if we look inward, stop being ourselves and take on the persona of the group or team we are a part of.
In its purest form, we are experiencing what is commonly referred to as groupthink. Groupthink is dangerous because it stifles innovation and criticism. When you are perceived as going against the grain, there is a moment where those around you (and yourself) will feel uncomfortable.
An Actual Answer
The more I questioned work, the more complicated and unexplainable it became. The best answer I could come up with was Tony Robbins’ six basic human needs.
These basic human needs can help us understand exactly why we work in the ways that we do. Take a moment to see how work has a solution for each basic human need. It’s amazing.
One: Certainty
Certainty is “our need to feel in control and to know what’s coming next so we can feel secure.” Certainty is the result of careful calculation in order to safeguard us from massive loss if we take the wrong step forward. It’s the need to avoid pain and stress, but also to guarantee the most pleasure out of our current and future situations. As Tony says, “It affects how much risk we’re willing to take in life – in our jobs, in our investments, and in our relationships.” The greater our need for certainty, the less willing we will be to accept and emotionally stomach risk.
Two: Uncertainty
Life also needs to push back occasionally. The failures and faults of life make the successes sweeter and more rewarding. Taking risks, both big and small, make life exciting. There’s a great Twilight Zone episode entitled A Nice Place to Visit that is a perfect anecdote to appreciate this idea.
In the episode, a man named Rocky Valentine has died and gone to his own, personal heaven. In heaven, we see Rocky in a casino, surrounded by beautiful girls and winning every game he plays. He is unstoppable, has unlimited sway and persuasion over others. He is constantly fortunate and always gets what he wants.
However, after a month of living in his personal heaven, Rocky starts to get bored. Since he always has his whims satisfied and always knows he is going to win at anything he attempts, Rocky starts to get angry. He demands that he lose at something just to add a little variety to his life, a little uncertainty.
His frustration is best exemplified when he shouts, “If I gotta stay here another day, I’m gonna go nuts! I don’t belong in Heaven, see? I want to go to the other place (hell).”
Then, the guide who has been with him since the beginning of the episode (his name is Pip) says,
“Heaven? Whatever gave you the idea that you were in heaven, Mr. Valentine? This is the other place!”
Even though we want everything to go our way, if it did, we would eventually grow bored and unsatisfied. Everyone, including you, needs some sort of uncertainty to put up with.
As Tony Robbins says, “You can’t grow muscle – or character – unless you have something to push back against.” Don’t seek security and safety, seek adventure. As Jim Rohn says, “It’s better to live thirty years full of adventure than one hundred years safe in the corner.”
Three: Significance
Everyone needs to feel “significant” which means special, important, or unique. People get these feelings in a variety of ways. Some make lots of money. Some go after awards, championships, and other notable accomplishments. Some pursue advanced degrees and academic pedigree.
Others dress flamboyantly – wearing unique hairstyles, tattoos or even body piercings. The underlying drive is finding a way to be unique and stand out from the crowd.
Four: Love and Connection
Tony Robbins believes that, “Love is the oxygen of life; it’s what we all want and need most.” When we love at our utmost, we feel the full capacity of life. But losing love can hurt. Rather than risk the possibility of such loss, many people limit themselves to mere connections that lack the depth and intensity of deeper love.
Still, connection is better than nothing.
Connection can be found in friendship, prayer, appreciation of nature, and in other forms of intimacy. As Tony says, “If nothing else works, you can get a dog.”
Five: Growth
If you’re not growing, you’re dying. Tony echoes this sentiment repeatedly in everything that he does. Stagnation, complacency, and believing you know or have enough causes people to begin to wither away.
I am a huge advocate of the idea that there is always something more you can do to grow. At different points in your life, what grows may change. You may reach a point where you make enough money to never worry about your bills, food, or extravagant vacations again.
At that point, your financial growth may not need constant diligence anymore. But I would argue, this is when you pivot to something else. If finances are no longer a concern, then grow in intellect, spirituality, or connection. If those don’t appeal, you can always grow in your capacity to give back.
Six: Contribution
This world has given so much to you, even if you don’t realize how much. Go be a teacher, consultant, volunteer, or, hell, a blood donor. Do something that integrates you into society in a giving way, not just a taking manner.
There is always someone who would greatly appreciate the voluntary sacrifice of your time to help him build a shed or serve food in a soup kitchen. If you are willing to give of yourself, much comes in return.
As Tony Robbins says, “Life’s not about me; it’s about we.”